As I prepared this eulogy for Dad, I was impressed with how much of Dad's life involved hard work, family, friends -- and hospitality. For Dad, these were often combined. He worked with family (all of his children worked with Dad in his various restaurants) and friends. Often his jobs involved work around "hospitality" -- in Dad's case: feeding people!! Dad loved having friends over ... the more, the merrier. With Dad around, there was lots of merriment. People seemed to laugh harder, eat well and enjoy the times of fellowship. Romans 12 talks about the "spiritual gifts" distributed amongst the body of Christ -- following this discussion (in verse 13) it says: "Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality." Although Dad never consciously adopted this as a motto, it was a major theme in his life.

Early Life:

Tom was born at the family home in Thessalon on Friday March 28, 1919 and was baptized in the United Church of Canada. Tom was the fourth of 8 children — Mary (died 2 years before Tom was born), Alice, Mack then Tom. After Tom, four more children came along — Jack, Millie, Ida and Hector. It seems from family stories that they mostly lived in rural or small town settings. Tom's family moved quite often, but eventually built a home in Glendale when Tom was a young child. He was old enough to help (somewhat) with the building. Dad was proud of the house that his father built along with the boys (Mac, Tom and Jack) — it was not large or fancy, but it was a solid home.

When my brother Kevin and I were young, Dad took us snow-shoeing in the deep snow of March to see where their house had been in Glendale (somewhere to the north, not too far from Sault Ste. Marie). The house was long gone and the area covered with barren trees. The snow was so deep that when we reached the former location of the home, Kevin and I took off our snowshoes to explore -- and found that we could only walk a few steps before we were up to our waists in the snow. We had to crawl back to our snow shoes and put them back on. Dad (in the meantime) was digging a pit in the deep snow and carved out a bench along one end. He build a fire at the other end of the pit. We sat on the bench made of snow and ate our lunch while Dad told us stories of growing up in the rural north.

In later years, Dad took us back to the same location in the summer so that we could see how it looked with the trees in bloom. He could even show us the depression in the ground -- all that is left of the cellar that his father had created for the house.

We have Dad's school report card (from 1925 until 1932) — he attended school until the end of grade 6. He left school after grade 6 to go to work and help support the family. Dad often felt the lack of a higher education, but didn't stop learning. In later years, people were often impressed with Dad's accomplishments. For example, he never studied accounting or bookkeeping, but when he set up his business ("Flavor Bird Chicken"), his accountant was impressed with the books that Dad set up — they were ideal for his business and easy to maintain.

From his childhood years, Dad often spoke of his mother and remembered her godly influence on his life. She installed in him a love of God and deep respect for the importance of family. These ideals never left him. Life was not easy for the Hernden family and Dad often gave his mother the credit for keeping the family together as a strong loving unit.

Teens:

When Dad was 15, he got his first job away from home in a lumber camp. He worked cutting wood and in the camp kitchen. He told the story of his first loaf of bread — it looked like a perfect loaf when it came out of the oven (and he was quite nervous since this was his first "job" — he really wanted to do well). When they cut the loaf Dad learned a valuable lesson about baking bread — don't bake it in a draft! There was a huge air bubble -- the loaf was mostly a big air bubble! Dad was afraid that they would fire him, but they didn't. In fact, he worked so hard that he was paid a couple of levels higher than most young men who started at this lumber camp. During this time Dad was exposed to some of the "wilder" living that was often a part of such camps, but would not participate in it in very much.

Twenties and the War Years:

When Dad was about 22, Dad heard an itinerant minister preach about the love of God in Christ Jesus and made a decision to commit his life to the Lord and live according to the teachings of Jesus. This decision affected the rest of his life. In later years, he often passed up on business deals that he felt would compromise his decision to serve the Lord. His belief system always translated into a practical application in all aspects of his life. Anyone in business or working with Dad could always trust him.

Dad met and married Ruth Engel in 1942 and served in Halifax in the Army Reserves. Bob was born during the war years (1943). When the war was over, Dad left the army and eventually settled in the Hamilton area with his young family. Bonnie was added to the family during this time in Hamilton (1947).

US Years:

In 1949, Dad learned of a "green card" opportunity and moved the family to Indiana, settling in the northwest area of the state near Gary (just a little south and east of Chicago, Illinois). Dad, Ruth, Bob and Bonnie lived in this area until 1955, when they returned to Hamilton.

During their time in the states, Dad made some close friends, such as the Robinson's. They came to town as the new minister and his family for Dad's church (he was on the deacon board). During my time in graduate school, the Robinson's took me in and gave me a home — mostly out of gratitude for the hospitality and friendship that Dad had shown them during these years in the states. He was a true and trustworthy friend and they never forgot it.

Back in Hamilton:

Within a couple of years after the family returned to Hamilton, Ruth became ill. This was a difficult time for Tom, Ruth and the children as they had to deal with the stages of Ruth's illness, which reached a climax in her early death in December 1958. Dad took this time to be close with Bob and Bonnie -- and demonstrated his strong commitment to his family. Rev. Stewart Robinson (friend from the States) came to Canada to preach Ruth's funeral -- again an example of the strong relationships between Dad and his friends. During Ruth's illness, many family friends stood close by them and supported them. It is moving that so many of these friends are still numbered among Dad's friends today.

Marriage to Marilyn:

After Ruth's death, Dad was lonely. As he explained to us kids in his later years -- he needed a companion by his side. He surprised some of his friends in 1959 by his marriage to Marilyn after a short courtship. He fell in love with her -- and then found out that she was a few years younger than he thought she was. They discussed this and decided to marry despite the age difference.

At their wedding, a few of Dad's close friends attempted to "kidnap" him after the ceremony. Dad and a few of his friends had done this successfully to another friend before this -- they drove around town with him for quite a while, leaving the bride and guests waiting at the reception hall. My mother has often told the story of her run across the church lawn, with her wedding dressed hitched up, shouting "Alf Cowell -- you are NOT going to kidnap my husband! Bring him back right now!!" I remember Alf laughing so hard when Mom told this story in his hearing. I once asked Dad if he didn't know what Alf and his friends were doing. Dad said that they just put their arms around Dad, talked to him — he was so happy and caught up in the day, that he hadn't realized what they were planning.

1960s and 1970s:

So, in his 40s, Dad started a second family. In the early 1960s, 2 more boys were added to Dad's family Steven (1961) and Kevin (1964). Meanwhile, Bob and Bonnie were growing up and getting ready to start their own families. I remember my early years with fond memories of happy times with Bob and Bonnie at home. Bob married Chris in 1963; Bonnie married Jack in 1964. Dad's family was growing ... in the following years, Dad's grandchildren started showing up.

Dad worked in various businesses (real estate, insurance, car sales), but returned to restaurant management. He summarized all of the lessons he had learned when he formed and opened "Flavor Bird Chicken" -- along came "Uncle Tom" with his secret recipe of 15 herbs and spices.

Flavor Bird Years:

Dad is best remembered for his years with the Flavor Bird business — really, his chicken was the BEST. He often catered to church functions in the Hamilton area, banquets, weddings, special occasions. So often employees became friends -- and friends and family became employees !! Dad could pull together a special occasion on very short notice and always gave value for money.

Retirement and Travel:

In his mid-60s, with Steven and Kevin starting off on their own careers, Bob and Bonnie settled in their growing families ... and with great-grandchildren now beginning to appear on the scene, Dad decided to sell his business and retire (aside: the secret recipe is still in the family -- he never sold that!!).

Within a couple of years, Kevin was married to Heather and starting his own family (more grandchildren began to appear on the scene) while Dad's older grandchildren began marrying and starting their own families. Marilyn changed her career in Radiation Therapy from full-time to a new "job-sharing" opportunity which gave her more time off to spend with Dad and travel. They were able to take some "dream" trips (a couple of Carribean cruises, Hawaii, winters in Florida). This gave them more time to spend with family and friends.

During this time, Dad and Mom starting camping at TOJOs where they made new friends; spent quality time in good Christian fellowship with these new friends -- and got involved in some fun "high-jinx"!! They were part of the notorious "T.P. Gang" ... a group of mature people who would "T.P." (toilet-paper) the yards and trailers of those campers celebrating a key event (birthday, anniversary ... waking up). Dad especially loved the "shivaree" — a late night, musical awakening accompanied with tin cans and pie plates tied together and rattled with quite a lot of noise under the trailer of the unsuspecting friends. This was sometimes accompanied with such lovely hymns as "Shall we Gather at the River" ...

When a group of these friends attempted to do this to Dad and Mom, they discovered how soundly we Herndens sleep -- they rattled, shook the trailer, made quite a racket -- while Dad and Mom slept peacefully inside their motor home!! (They never did rouse Dad and Mom.)

Many of you here today can remember fun times with Dad and Ruth ... and Dad and Marilyn. Late nights with lots of laughter and good fellowship.

More Service:

In 1993, Marilyn's Dad became disabled and paralyzed. Dad came up with a plan to add a wing onto their home so Marilyn could provide the primary care for her father. Kevin designed the new addition and provided most of the labour for building. This was a difficult decision, but as Dad often said, "What else could we do? They needed us."

Marilyn was able to provide the primary care for her father until his death in January 1995. Following that, Dad and Mom provided a home for Marilyn's mother and the three of them traveled together and camped at TOJOs together for a couple of years. In 1998, Marilyn's mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease and in late 1999 had to move to Mount Nemo Nursing Home where she could receive more specialized care.

Parkinson's:

In 1990, at the age of 71, Dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. Just before his diagnosis, Dad and Mom were visiting Bob and Chris. Dad was holding a ball and playing with their dog Sparky while telling a story. As he held the ball in his shaking hand, the dog was going nuts -- he was trying to figure out which way Dad would throw the ball! Mom was watching the dog while Dad continued to tell his story and finally said, "Tom — throw the ball !! You're driving the dog crazy !!". He had several years before the illness began to have a serious impact on his life. In the early stages, we noticed this as Dad's left hand began to shake. As it progressed in Dad's late 70s, he began to experience a loss of independence — more dependence on Marilyn and others. This was very difficult for Dad. Dad like to "do" himself what needed to be done, when it needed to be done.

The last 2 years of his life were quite difficult for Dad as his health began to deteriorate. He was always a fighter and faced each step courageously. We could see this as he found ways to cope with the illness. During this time, he became closer to Mom as he relied on her more and more to help him through each part of the day.

We are all grateful to the Lord that Dad's last few weeks spent in the hospital showed evidence of God's mercy. We couldn't see then that Dad's condition was gradually deteriorating each week. The steps down were so gradual -- he had many good days when we had hopes that he might return home. In the end, Dad went quite quickly. On Saturday November 18, Dad lost the ability to swallow and began the final steps of his life. Mom and each of us children stayed with Dad around the clock, returning the love and devotion that Dad had given to us throughout his life. On Tuesday November 21 at 8:10 in the evening, Dad passed quietly into the arms of the Lord.

Throughout Dad's life, he loved being hospitable — opening his home to friends ... and strangers who often became friends. Dad loved getting together with his whole family (not an easy task -- by his 80^th birthday, this meant arranging a gathering for 29 people in 9 separate family groups). We worked this out because Dad felt this was important. This meant a bonus for the younger children in the family -- two Christmases!! An early "big" family Christmas (usually the first Saturday in December) and the smaller family grouping at the usual holiday time.

Dad had a unique and special relationship with each of his children. He saw each of our strengths and weaknesses -- and loved us unconditionally. I find that I understand the love of God, The Father, because of the love that I received from my father.

As I conclude, I would like to thank God for my father. One of my friends who attended the visitation at the funeral home yesterday was touched by the words I chose when informing them of my father's passing. I sent an e-mail message to friends and co-workers that contained these words:

I think that Bob, Bonnie and Kevin agree with me.

I hope that each of you will walk away today with a sense of joy that you knew Tom Hernden. I hope that his hospitality shared freely with you blessed you as his life has blessed us.

On behalf of my mother, Marilyn, and my family, I would like to thank you for taking time out to remember and celebrate the life of Tom Hernden.